Update on my life currently

gay, gay, gay... my CT is a idiot and my english teacher cant teach. it pisses me off, like...legit and the teacher running detention is the biggest dinosaur since they were made extinct. School is just some piss awful thing that i have to go to 5 days a week. I used to like it. Now i think that the shit we are taught in class is just pure crap, i wont need any of it once i graduate. 

With school aside, because even the thought of it pisses me off... life has been ok to me.

Gene and i are almost official and i feel really lucky to be with some one like him. He supports me so much, and i support him. He is gnna be my tutor ><* . I like him so much gagagaga, he took me to the botanical gardens for a date last week and we talked for hours and held hands and...other things fufu. Nice as pie guy, and he knows im a christian and he is cool with the fact i go to church and love god : |) 

im just scared of mell -o-

10 reasons why my life sucks

1. Computers hate me. I worked really hard on my CT video project, and typically, things went wrong and i got detention for not being able to hand it in .

2. My mom is back from australia and this ='s irritation and makes me want to run away to the furthest most hidden place on the earth so i can have some peace

3. Im dating a guy i really like and the mother ****** hasnt made things  official yet and im on edge...legit

4.My bff's boyfriend confessed he was gay and now i have to support her because of his lousy gay-ness..

5. i have gained a ton of weight from stress eating and looking in the mirror makes me wanna barf -.-* i should go to a ugly home and die

6. ima dumb shit and will probably fail yr 10 due to my dumbness

7. Maria stood on a stone fish....wtf..

8. mom bought me new bra's and they make my boobs look massive.. iwannastrapthemdown! 

9. cant go to youth because my life is exceptionally busy

10. life is just one hurl of wtf and random hell that ruin all the good things

forgive me blog, agian, i have made you unloved

                                           i see a theme here! lol anytime im sad or bored a blog :) not a bad passtime it think :P

so much has happened in the last few weeks. For one, i like gene and he likes me back :P we have a date next saturday at the botanical gardens :D im not sure what i would say if he was to ask me to be his girlfriend. One thing that made me fell REALLY happy is that he is willing to come to church with me of we do have a BGR. I really like him, he is so considerate of my feelings and he really makes me laugh. I dont have to change myself for him and he doesnt have to change for me! 

One thing that is really affecting me is that one of my friends confessed they like me. And she is a girl and she is my best friend... im cool with it and she knows that our relationship will never go any further, but i really care for hurt and dont want her to hurt to badly. After all she is such a amazing friend to me :) 

im improving in my math grades thank god! i was really freaking out for a while! haha 

my relationship with god is growing closer.  I talk to him about gene alot. Seeing what he thinks about things. He will support me, as long as i know the dangers and risks but i know he has put me there for a purpose, so i will pursue it. 

Mom has gone to australia for two weeks. She left yesterday and now i am stuck with dad. Iv been invited to a few parties, but i said no. Even though i wouldnt drink, i dont want to push my luck to far. Mom has been so supportive about gene, its been so great! im thinking of inviting him over to play board games with me :P thats one thing i love about gene, he still loves board games! Gene has made a promise to not push me to go to parties with him. And he is trying to drink less when he goes out. After a party that ended bad for him, he has seen the problems with achohol. :) 

Sid stalks me! lol he keeps calling me and talking to me. I just ignore it all now, i know that i am better than his mind games and i know that i can eventually stop talking with him. Sid is a really great guy, he is. He is sensitive and considerate but he is a player, and his ocd with girls, getting laid and partying makes him repel all the nice people. I sometimes wish that he would be a little more nomal sometimes

well back to work for me, ill update later PROMISE! 

open my eyes to the great lemon pies

sitting in CT class right now. Nothing more exciting than writing a Gant Chart plan for my video. Its so boring, i really dont like the design cycle that much. Life has been pretty good latley. Been talking to Gene alot. He understands that i dont want to date him, and he is so cool with it! he is such a good friend, i had the funniest convosation with him on facebook last night. I really want to see him before he goes on his Interim to hong kong. Lucky duck! 

Been talking to sid, alot. He has been calling me and texting me everyday. Its so nice to have a good old chatta with him. He asked me out but i said no. I have to say though, its the first time in my life that guys are actually starting to pay attention to me not just as a friend. It feels nice. and it feels even nicer to be able to turn around and say no, i feel like i have controlover my life, control over my heart. 

I have to write my OWE tonight. Its so boring and hard to write. But Gene said he will help me out with ideas. The girls volleyball game is today at the Swiss club. Im not playing but mom said that i can go along and support my friends. We are going to loose but still, its fun to watch and play with eachother. I cant wait until mr walker is back! im so happy he made a full recovery! 

going out on friday again. Its all us girls and a few guys, sid is coming, fancy that lol. Its going to be a pool party and me and tori are going to buy stuff on friday before everyone turns up. She wants to buy a b*a for me. And i think its a little weird that she is buying me one. But its so nice that she wants me to feel pretty. She is my best friend. I really dont know what i would do without her! 

BEST WEEKEND EVER! For the win!

had the best weekend of my life in singapore LEGIT! 

FRIDAY

friday was a pretty cool day at school. Did nothing. Talked alot. Tori jumped me.

Spanish detention was canceled for my friends so we went out straight away. Went to cheryl's. Big house! ate little corneto things. Went to taka. ate maccas chicken burger tasted like heaven. Met izzie, izzie loves meh :) . Sat around for ages waiting for dylan. waited.waited.waited.waited. Dylan showed up. Attacked Cheryl. Got red bull. went hyper. turned up @ sids.

AND THE NIGHT STARTED

sid is so nice, love him to bits. So indian oh gosh he is so indian! lol really funny guy, little perverted but dude, look past it. Sat around and attacked eachother. Alot of girls sitting around. A very happy Sid. Walked with cheryl, sid and this other guy that sid is mates with. 3 very big dogs and a really pretty night. i cuddled cheryl so much.

Dylan and Milly mysteriously dissapear. No one cares lol. hang around. Sid makes jokes about tori's b**b and i fall over. Get a call from Dylan saying omfg come to cheryls house NOW. We ditch sid. sid is sad. sid decides i am awsome and gets my number -.-*. Go to cheryls. and find . MATT AND MIKE! the coolest twins on earth. Hang with them, chat, attack, laugh, get tired. Go upstairs. sleep with cheryl and maria and have a good night rest.

SATA

cheryl me milly dylan and maria have toster strudel for breakfast om nom. NOM NOM. get dressed. Do tiny chat on twitter. Go to my place. Eat chicken wraps. Go to church. Meet with ellie. Love church. Eat pasta. buy choc. Go home. Cant go out T.t missed seeing sid. Its ok because i can see him again this friday! 

SUNDA

rents ditch me. Hang at home. finish my dress. take pics. sleep. finish hw. Chat with sid. chat with gene. skype with gene o.o. lots of fun. mom comes home. watch movie play game. sleeeep

WEEKENDS ARE SO MUCH FUN WITH FRIEEENDS! 

birthday in 15 days -.-

adolescence

i laugh at the world, i laugh at teenagers, i in particular laugh at guys. They can be so into you at one moment, and couldnt care less about you the next. Its age i suppose, but still, its such a pain to understand what is really going through peoples mind. Gene was so into me, Dylan so wanted us together. I didnt want it to happen and all it took was me not caring less and now they arnt at all fussed and Gene couldnt care less about me. Im not sad, im happy, estatic to have my male free carefree life back. Its comfortable and quiet and i dont have to worry to much about pleasing people to no end. 

This blog is just a update on that front. And i owe so much thanks to mell and her abusive behavior :) 

mind boggling

dylan came on friday, but she left right after dinner. Leaving me alone with Gene, its not the fact that it was just me and Gene that bothered me. It was the fact that she left. That she herself, would rather spend time with guys she hasn't met before, than hang out with me. It seems like her priorities are shit..

Anyways, i suppose that you cant really call it "hanging out" anymore. Me and Gene saw a movie that was based in the 1950's. I didnt say that it was my fav time in history, i was worried he would think i live in the past, just consider how i dress! haha. Well, the movie had been going on for about 15 mins and i was freezing so i bit my tounge to stop me from shivering. Then gene edged his hand closer to mine.. i did nothing, he did it again, i did nothing, then he just took my hand haha. I kinda looked at him and smiled, but then i though, hey Dylan knew that he would do this, what other things was she planning! Later on in the movie he put his arm around me. I knew what that ment, you know the "arm around girl, hold close, girl leans on guys chest, looks up and then guy kisses" im not that naive. So i just didnt lean on him. mwaha point one to the pie master! for the rest of the movie he held my hand, i was cool with that.. hands are just hands i guess.

We caught the mrt home together, he is really nice, good personality, friendly, computer person ( -.-) but generally he is someone i can get along with. But when i told mell, she was so cross, she scolded me man. What am i ment to do! i guess, i wouldnt go out with gene, but i want to hang out with him. He isnt as bad as he seems.

Dylan on the other hand, she broke my trust because she would rather spend time with guys, she also wants gene and i together, so yeh, its a little unfair and im going to talk to her so that i can tell her that whatever happens will go at my own pace and not hers. 

sick of class

just to yet y'all know im sick of class and i think it is abusive to make children stare at computer screens for more than half a day, thank you-

my eyes hurt, my back hurt, my nose itches..,

irritated at school, but im more than halfway through the day

gtta got to the IB coordinator soon BELH! 

anxious pie people

sometimes it nice to just blah though class and write a blog. Late night the boys arrived, they might be able to come to church and i would love it if they did, but it wouldnt kill me if they didnt, because it means that there is two more people that i need to look after. Iv done pretty much all my personal project and my homework, today at lunch i have a meeting with my IB coordinater about what classes i should take in Abu Dhabi, its a little nerve racking because i know that my grades arnt exactly tip top at the moment. I wasnt going to write this on my blog, but i though, this is my space so i can do whatever i want. I want to  keep honest on this blog, and just state the facts of what i am thinking about and what is going on in my life. Just over a month ago, my and my friends Dylan and Milly went to orchard to shop and eat. It was really fun, Dylan said that she was meeting a friend from SAS and invited me and Milly to go with her. We said yes. Gene is a year older than me, in year 11 and goes to SAS. He is really nice, we watched a movie and later on that night gene added me on facebook. I went to school the next day and talked to Dylan and the other girls, when Cheryl found out that i now knew gene, she got really pissed off and said that i shouldnt go anywhere near the guy. I asked why and im not going to type what she said on this blog ><. She hates Gene, and Dylan really likes gene as a mate. So, imagine my stress when Gene invited me to hang out with him. I thought about it for a while making a few excuses here and there. But finally i said  when Dylan said that she would go along with me to make sure that i felt comfortable. So, we organised it for the next friday, tommorrow. I was really excited about it, and even better still, i got cheryl support and though it took her a while, she is going to give gene a clean slate. so, all was well and fine. Until Dylan turned around the other day and said that she might not stay with me all friday, and that she might go out with her friends and then drop in on us to see how things are going. Now, i normally dont get angry about that type of thing, but this really pissed me off. She promised that she would stay with me and make sure i was ok, and she lied. her motives for me and gene are, interesting too. She see's us as an adorable couple and says that we should date. OK that is way way to far. Iv only met gene once and she is planning this? its so unfair, i feel really played by her. ah, never mind, i have the support of my other mates i guess.

if a had a monkey his name would be alfred

sometimes, i stand at the back of my condo and just look at the trees. Its one of the things that can make me relax, lame as it sounds. Latley, i have been so inspired to just pick up my sketch book and paint of sketch or to go on the computer and start working on something. Iv been writing heaps too. My journal must be tired of all the places that it is having to travel too these days. In all this chaos of life. I find myself peaceful in my own little bubble of holga coloring and 50's clothing. It makes me feel at home and for once, like i can be me. Iv been so eager to start sewing again too. All these ideas have been coming to mind and i cant help but act on them. My water color work has been improving too. Its almost impossible for me to explain the joy that comes to me when i take the time out of the day to just be inspired by life. Its like, calmness and peacefulness but with a adrenaline rush! it makes no sense. but i love it. its me , in my place, in my room. 

well s'cuse me but my brain just exploded

its not often that i sit down and say, this is just too much in too little time.

My two friends from australia have been traveling and are coming down to singapore for a few days to see me. To be honest. Im real busy and them coming makes me a little more overwhelmed! Also, with my two school friends going to church that makes four people if the boys decide to come too. And my mom has asked me to bring her friends kids to youth because they are getting to that age now. THAT MAKES 6 PEOPLE! how am i ment to look after 6 people? thats mental that insane that is way to much for me. Because also. I have a new friend and im meeting him on friday to watch a movie. But the boys are here and mom wants me to take them out! but i reaaaally dont want to break my promise with gene cause he is going to hong kong soon. Its so hard for me to organise my social life right now. Its like god has answered my prayers but, a little too much! haha i just want to relax and let things go smoothly! 

whip it, whip it good

ima gnna whip that homework into shape :D

ah its a sad story, i have so much work to do, its insane. To be honest, i just want to rebel and run away from it all and do something fun like.. oooo sew something! hahaha! its life though, you just have to get through it and i know that i will! 

I was so tired last night though. My eyes felt like they were turning into liquid and falling out into my work book! haha ill post again later

CYA! 

whoot de doot!

Life is great, hectic, painful and full of study. But good.

I brought my friend Sinead to church last sat. She found it different from the church that she attends because she is catholic, she liked it though and might come back again! praise god! she said that it was REALLY nice to have people make such a effort to make her feel welcome. She said the little one (seiwjia :P ) was really nice. So well done cell! 

-

this week is going to be even more crazy! my friend dan is coming to singapore for 3 days so that he can say hi before he goes to thailand ( i think) So i get to see him which is really nice.

And also, the group that i hang out with now. All of which are my juniors, seem to have alot of interest in coming to YI, on sat. I will be bringing two more of my friends and both of them may join our cell group! ( more Caucasians! ) 

One of the girls coming is called Cheryl (from the US). Her family are athiest but she belives in god, when she found out about how much our church is on fire for god and how much i love it there, she said to me that she really wanted to go to church with me and see what it was like, she doesnt attend a church in singapore but feels that it might be time to get connected with one! elly

The other girl is called Eleanor, or elly! she is new to our school and her dad is my english teacher. She is a kiwi and is so nice! she also was really interested about coming to YI and seeing what all the talk ( hahah i never shut up about you guys! ) is about! She also believes in god but hasnt connected with a church in Singapore yet. 

--

Mr whitehead or BROTHER WES! is a teacher at my school is ON FAYAH for god! he is really someone that i look up too. Over the christmas break i sent him a message and said that before i leave i want to leave my mark on ISS and start impacting my school for christ. Im sick of the pessimistic attitude that people at our school have and how messed up things can sometimes be. 

-- 

One more bit in this rather large blog. A girl called Amelia is in the group i hang out with, she is a aussie. She had a link to her Twitter where she wrote a post where she started to question god and why he makes people have disabilities and stuff. It really affected me. She said that she belived in god and seeing her so confused really made me think, i can really start to help this girl understand the heart of the saviour. I felt so inspired and i wrote back to her on facebook telling her why god puts people in such positions and how SHE can start to break down her own disabilites in her own life :)

she was so happy and i have a feeling that she might ask to come to church with me one day! 

-- 

the way that god has been impacting my life since i have come back to school is amazing, people are starting to notice me in a different way, no one even calls me little church girl anymore becuase they know that there is something about me that they dont have it isnt because i go to church.

Barriers are being broken and the lost are coming back to god because i am daring to STAND IN THE GAP! god is talking to me so much more now and when i face temptation and issues in my everyday life i am more able to look it in the face and say HEY I CAN BEAT THIS! 

i might add another post like this talking about the things god has spoken to me about! 

--

Cell members be encouraged, the words that come out of your mouth are life changing! dont be scared to share the word because when god is with you WHO CAN BE AGAINST YOU! 

-- 

see you next sat! 

-- 

PS i would like to post some stuff on cell blog, but how do i do that hahah! sorry im technology illiterate! 

back to blog fever

as i sat through yet another pointless class of CT, i decided, blogging is something that i find so fun, and so stress reliving. So, why dont i blog more? I think, that one of the reasons why i dont, is due to facebook. To be honest, i dont really do much on FB, but its become such a large thing in my life. I use it as a way of procrastination. For the next seven days, i am only going to go on FB once a day, look at my notifications and then log off. Its good to know that im not alone though, so many of my friends have the same attachment to the website as me.
Any who, i looked at my blog and realised that, it doesn't really reflect me! its so plan, so BORING! i want to personalize it! so, i now have a massive amount of vintage style pics on my computer, so with every blog i can post a cool pic with it!
I realize that i havent finished my blogs about A.D , if you were reading them, im sorry! its been really hectic lately and i havent got round to writing about the last section of the trip!
well, i have to work, but ill write more later on, when im NOT on facebook :)
P.S, god has done some amazing things in my school ALREADY! and put me in a position where i can reach out! ill add that in my next blog!
--
"take my moments, and my days. Take each breath that i take"

ABU DHABI DAY TWEEEE

today was a very eventful day,
the bed i was sleeping on had to be changed ( long and litterally painful story)
and breakfast was very yum! we went to marina mall and shopped around for a while, then we found a games arcade and played in there for a few hours, it seems silly, but its so ADDICTIVE ahhahaha! we ended up getting over 500 tickets fufufufufu!
after that i got a new pair of sunnies and then we went back to the hotel to freshen up and go to the LEBANESE FLOWEER! for my first taste of kinda local food! we went with my dads boss as well.
The ammount of meat i had was... terrifying, it was soo good though! they really dont make meat taste any better than in the middle east! sadly though, our stomaches, now only fit for asian size meals, could not eat all of the food and we had to get the rest take out!
i cannnttttt waiiittt to eat itttt!
Tomorrow we are going to go out on the street and walk around, mom and i will be doing it alone though because dad will be in the office metting his boss and talking about the contract.
No Fun ahaa i cant wait to look around futher, though its been alot of fun so far,
the only thing that i am nervous about is that i have to look around the schools soon. Im not really confident on going to the schools, i have no idea what it is going to be like, and i dont know if the schools will accept me. My parents are really pushing the brit. school, but im not really interested, but i cant make a decision unitl i go there and see for myself.

ABU DHABI DAY TWOOO

very fun..
VERY FUN
VEWIIIEEE VEWIIIE FWAN!
went driving around today, the houses are SO BIG! and they look like something out of jesus time, sept they arnt made of mud, and they are painted brightly! i was amazed, there is alot of dust and a real desert feel! the men wear while robes and cloth on their heads, ill upload pics when i can :) so check this blog if your interested :D
we shopped around a little bit too and went pass the water.
there is alot of rules and regulations here, i will create a blog about it when i go back to singa. because i am still learning about the customs. One thing that made me a little sad, is that if you live in abu dhabi or have been to abu dhabi, you cant go to israel, and vis vera.
Why this makes me so sad, is that one of my friends, ethan, lives over there and i really wanted to visit him. I find it hard to get my head around the fact that two countries can hate eachother so much!
well, its late, and i will prob. edit this blog and ill blog soon :)
byeee byeee

MIDDLE EAST A GO GO! DAY 1

took off at changi airport around 12pm today. After a 7 hour flight, where i productively watched movies! fame is a boring movie though T.T
When i got off we found out that our guy taking us to the hotel had already gone, but we ended up going to the hotel with a really nice egyptian taxi driver! he was really funny! and when i had my carry on luggage on my lap and it came to me getting out of the car, he ran over to help me and took my stuff off me! so nice! hhaaah ..the guys here wear dresses too :P thats pretty rad!
well i have to go unpack n rest up! so ill ttyl!
tooodelooooo!